Some of the quotes below are pure gold! These dog cartoons will make every dog owner chuckle. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman, “As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.” —Jean Ferris, “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin, “I love deadlines. "One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. C. Fields (attributed), “I wish I had the confidence of the woman who boldly admits she’s the Miranda of her crew.” —Jessica Biel, actress, “Want to know what God thinks of money? tags: happiness, misattributed-john-lennon, procrastination, time. '” —Michael Mcrae, “One of my biggest fears is that I’ll marry into a family that runs 5Ks on holidays.” —@xnatata (Natalia Skrodzki), “Mapquest really needs to start its directions on number five. If you agree with the fact that these are hilarious quotes, you’ll also enjoy the funniest books of all time. The 100 Funniest Quotes of All Time By Andy Simmons, RD.com Updated: Aug. 21, 2020 Between the savage insults and hilarious insights, this collection of the funniest quotes of all time will leave you laughing. Of course! Some of these quotes are so cheeky they remind me of the old-fashioned school master practice of placing a child in the corner with a dunce's cap on because he or she did not do their homework or could not answer the question. See more ideas about funny quotes, quotes, funny. 2 People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. 100 Funny Work Quotes. “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”―Mindy Kaling. Are you enjoying these funniest quotes? Only time can heal your broken heart. Time to have a gooooood laugh, time to unveil the best funny travel quotes you will love. 100 Christmas Quotes. You’re welcome. Here are 60 short and funny motivational quotes to help brighten your day: 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes. In today’s article, I will introduce you to funny life quotes. “Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets.” —@askdadblog (John Kinnear). We list here a bunch of cool quotes to have a good laugh. 19. Not all sayings and thoughts have to be profound, or move you into changing your life from the ground up. Good but not that good be amazing much more funny and cool things for kid and adults I read these yo myself I … If you love these hilarious quotes, then all cat owners will appreciate these hilarious cat cartoons. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. It’s night before it’s afternoon. My neighbors are listening to great music. “If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.” —Stephen Colbert, “It is better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep.” —Donald Trump (retweeting a Benito Mussolini quote), “The lion shall lie down with the calf, but the calf won’t get much sleep.”—Woody Allen. Consistently ranked among the best U.K. prime ministers in history due to his leadership of the country during World War II, Winston Churchill is also known for his eloquence. Here is a great collection of witty funny sayings that is sure to put a smile on your face. These travel quotes are not ordered by any meaning. “Wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy.” —Benjamin Franklin, “Why beer is better than wine: human feet are conspicuously absent from beer making.” —Steve Mirsky, author, “The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove crabgrass on your lawn.” —P. Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | New. "One day you're the best thing since sliced bread. “I thought Europe was a country.” —Kellie Pickler, country music singer. Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. "Every time you are able to find humor in a difficult situation, you win." The holidays are the most wonderful time of the year, but sometimes, it may not feel that way. Joan Rivers Click to tweet “Laughing is the best medicine. So, whether you have angst about time passing or are simply looking for inspiration, these quotes are for you. They say I’m old-fashioned, and live in the past, but sometimes I think progress progresses too fast! Oscar Wilde. 23. Never waste any time you can spend sleeping. We’re rarely aware of the bullets we dodge. Time to have a gooooood laugh, time to unveil the best funny travel quotes you will love. They help to lighten the mood, they're excellent for breaking the ice, and of co... Close. Our best quotes about time will be interesting to both children and adults because they contain a lot of useful things. Quotes tagged as "time" Showing 1-30 of 10,063 “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” ― Marthe Troly-Curtin, Phrynette Married. Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. That always worries me!” —Charlie Brown. Monogamy is the same.” —Anonymous, Following an argument, an angry Lady Astor told Winston Churchill, “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.” Churchill snapped, “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”, When Mick Jagger insisted that his wrinkles were actually laugh lines, jazz singer George Melly replied, “Surely nothing could be that funny.”, A sports columnist recalled the story of a flight attendant who asked Muhammad Ali to fasten his seat belt. These travel quotes are not ordered by any meaning. Fiction has to make sense.” —Tom Clancy, author, “Be careful about reading health books. At the same time, it’s important to let your friends know how important they are to you. Funny quotes are great for bringing a bit of humor into our lives. The rest I spent foolishly.” —George Raft, film star, “I was going to sue for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.” —Charles Barkley, TV basketball analyst, “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. Time! Let these funny quotes about life remind you of such times but Time is like a river. That leaves no other time. 19. Funny Christmas Quotes from Books, Films, and Television “Out upon merry Christmas! Wise people learn when … “The trouble with this country is that there are too many people going about saying, ‘The trouble with this country is …’” —Sinclair Lewis. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.” —Douglas Adams, “Never follow anyone else’s path. Act like you’ve got all day, it will take fifteen minutes. Temporal Thoughts: Inspiring, Funny, and Revealing Quotes about Time & Timepieces. Of course! Home / Time Quotes / Page 2. Some are funnier, others less, judge for yourself. See more ideas about old quotes, sayings, old time sayings. Time is a great healer, they say, which is lucky as you’ll need plenty of time to heal once your sides split from laughing at these funny quotes about time!eval(ez_write_tag([[580,400],'laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_8',171,'0','0'])); Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. One-liners, short funny quotes, sayings, thoughts and captions for your bio, social status, self-talk, motto, mantra, signs, posters, wallpapers, backgrounds. Andy Simmons is a features editor at Reader's Digest. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey, “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. Read through these funny quotes and memorize a few to help lighten the mood when it’s needed. Where are you, you little rascal? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), funniest lies parents have told their kids, ridiculous things people actually believed as kids, inspirational quotes to get you through the morning, most quotable books ever written (and our favorite lines from each), peace quotes from some of the world’s wisest leaders, dog cartoons will make every dog owner chuckle, Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents. Check out these daily life cartoons that will also have you laughing on the floor. Dumbest Political Quotes of All Time. For this reason, we’ve created a hand-picked selection of funny friendship quotes that celebrate the beauty of true friendship. Tomorrow is another one.” – Dr. Seuss. There’s never enough time to do it right, but there’s always enough time to do it over. “But I never asked anybody.” Now that you know the funniest quotes of all time, memorize these short jokes to spread a little more humor. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller, “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel, “As far as I’m concerned, ‘whom’ is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.” —Calving Trillin, “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous, “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Then read up on these inspirational quotes to get you through the morning. The two most powerful warriors are patience and time. Funny Quotes About Getting Older “Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” Kitty O’Neill Collins Barack Obama Jokes. Never Quotes Statements. Coward: “The one in front has suddenly gone blind and the other one has very kindly offered to push him.” These positive quotes will make you see the glass half full. “I’m thinking of opening a firing range where all the targets are shaped like computers with screens full of pop-up ads.” —Dan Burt. 25. All rights reserved. Authors; Collections; Quotes; Topics • • • Quotes. Not everyone is a fan of daylight saving time, as seen in … “When tempted to fight fire with fir See more ideas about quotes, funny quotes, christian quotes. Good.” —Moms Mabley, “Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm.” —President John F. Kennedy. Leonard Nimoy was asked by a woman, “Are you aware that you [as Spock] are the source of erotic dream material for ladies around the world?” Nimoy’s reply: “May all your dreams come true.”, “You know there’s a problem when you realize that out of the three Rs, only one begins with an R.” —Dennis Miller, comedian, “To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.” —Oscar Wilde, “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” —Billy Wilder, director, “She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.” —Bette Midler. Top 10 Famous Political Sex Quotes. If you’re also a technophobe you’ll think these tech cartoons are hilarious. “Filling out a credit card application, my friend came upon this question: ‘What is your source of income?’ She wrote: ‘ATM. Repeat or copy these quotes out … I don’t have time, energy, or interest in hating the haters; I’m too busy loving the lovers. For this reason, we’ve created a hand-picked selection of funny friendship quotes that celebrate the beauty of true friendship. People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness. We list here a bunch of cool quotes to have a good laugh. Today was fun. A day wasted on others is not wasted on one’s self. Check them out below, courtesy of Search Quotes and Today in Sci. Funny Quotes About Life's Ups and Downs. '” —Larry Timmons. “That’s the funny thing about life. Motivational and inspirational quotes […] “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. We’ve got 10 quotes for you about daylight savings time that are funny, real, and representative of the general attitude over this confusing, clock-switching practice. But you can wind it up again. Whether you’re looking for funny quotes just for a laugh, to give a toast, or to lighten the mood at a public speaking event, you’ve come to the right place. Time? I make it three four times,... • Sit down and let me tell you a story. “By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.” —Richard Dawkins, scientist, “He was so narrow-minded, he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.” —Molly Ivins, author, “I’ve come to learn that the best time to debate family members is when they have food in their mouths.” —Kenneth Cole, fashion designer. Best Funny Quotes Life And Funny Sayings pictures “When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.” #1. 117. Just as time moves forward despite daylights savings time adjustments, humor moves forward too. 1. Who Invented Daylight Savings Time? Funny quotes are great for bringing a bit of humor into our lives. “I recently asked a student where his homework was. “As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.” —Adam Joshua Smargon. To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. I don't go crazy, I am crazy. We don’t often feature funny quotes on Wealthy Gorilla, but after compiling this list, I’ll make an exception. Time travel used to be thought of as just science fiction, but Einstein's general theory of relativity allows for the possibility that we could warp space-time so much that you could go off in a rocket and return before you set out. We recommend our users to update the browser. Life Quotes Short Quotes As I have gotten older and wiser I discovered that there are six things that I really loved about my job. Barrymore, I am never going to act with you again.” Barrymore replied, “My dear, you still haven’t.”, Director/writer Kevin Smith told Tim Burton that Burton’s Planet of the Apes reminded him of a comic book he’d written. I use three adjectives to describe them: satirical, funny, and profound. Funny Quotes That ARE… Short Funny Quotes And Humorous Lines. He replied, ‘It’s still in my pencil. My goodness how the time has flewn. “Time decides who you meet in life, your heart decides who you want in your life, and your behavior decides who stays in your life.” funny quotes and sayings pictures #2. Anonymous. See more ideas about christmas quotes, christmas humor, funny. Below are hundreds of funny sayings that will make you laugh out loud, and maybe even cry a little. My angst led me to look up quotes about time, hoping other perspectives would calm me. You need to be more funny on February 03, 2018:. Short Quotes Statements. Some of the quotes below are pure gold! “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” —Nora Ephron. May 17, 2019 - Funniest collection for funny quotes of all time. What’s Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for … Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30. Some are funnier, others less, judge for yourself. “It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.” —Axl Rose, lead singer of Guns N’ Roses. Enjoy these funny quotes about time: Time is a waste of money. Seeing a male dog sniffing a female dog, the young daughter of Laurence Olivier asked Noël Coward what they were doing. We spend so much time worrying about how the future is going to play out and not nearly enough time admiring the precious perfection of the present.” – Lauren Miller There are really two ways of going about it - you can either sit moping about how unfair and unyielding life is, and how the greater cause does not make sense to you, or you can take everything in with a pinch of salt (along with some tequila and a lime wedge, if you will), have a few laughs, and carry on, smiling at the weirdness of it all. Charles Schultz. Ali replied, “Superman don’t need no seat belt.” The flight attendant’s retort: “Superman don’t need no airplane either.”. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Time is what we want most, but what we use worst. Our collection of witty funny pictures of funny saying which are short words, easy to remember but still hilarious phrases. You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!' Time Quotes. Funny life quotes “In three words I can sum up … I am not particularly interested in saving time; I prefer to enjoy it. May 5, 2017 - Explore luisa adely's board "old time sayings" on Pinterest. 20. “If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” —Will Rogers, “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.” —Oscar Wilde, “They say you shouldn’t say anything about the dead unless it’s good. Anonymous. “The only people who still call hurricanes acts of God are the people who write insurance forms.” —Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist. O’Rourke, “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” —Charles De Gaulle, “A bad review may spoil your breakfast, but you shouldn’t allow it to spoil your lunch.” —Kingsley Amis, “We dream of having a clean house — but who dreams of actually doing the cleaning?” —Marcus Buckingham, “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. “You can fail at what you don’t want—so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love.” —Jim Carrey. Pay day, lunch time, quitting time, vacation time, holidays, and … Time is the longest distance between two places. Time is a great healer, but a poor beautician. 41 Funny Quotes About Time. (For even more quotes, have a look at our selection of The Best Relationship Quotes). I changed some of the more colorful words for the sake of our younger readers. Let me show you! Sarah Palin Jokes. Enjoy life. 2. They can be used for big moments in life to put things in perspective, to celebrate success or to commiserate loss. Humor Quotes 38k Philosophy Quotes 24k God Quotes 22k Inspirational Quotes Quotes 20.5k Truth Quotes 19.5k Wisdom Quotes 18k Poetry Quotes 17k Romance Quotes 17k Death Quotes 16k Happiness Quotes 15.5k Hope Quotes 14.5k Humorous Quotes About Men and Love. By Maria Vultaggio @mariamzzarella 10/31/15 AT 7:46 AM. Check out the most quotable books ever written (and our favorite lines from each). Whether you’re looking for funny quotes just for a laugh, to give a toast, or to lighten the mood at a public speaking event, you’ve come to the right place. 21. Part 2. Funniest Barack Obama Quotes of All Time. The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time. How did it get so late so soon? But first, this hilarious video of George Carlin discussing time: The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. —Unknown. I find more of their meaning even the second or the third time I read them. “My father always said, ‘Never trust anyone whose TV is bigger than their bookshelf. I am definitely going to take a course on time management… just as soon as I can work it into my schedule. Some of these are funny travel quotes from movies, others are more quotes for your travel friends. Three o’clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. Funny Sayings with pictures “Never stop learning, because life never stops teaching.” #2. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. I love deadlines. Enjoy every moment of your life. So, enjoy! Next, here’s a list of funny words to say to confuse your friends. Barack Obama Quotes. There’s always another night.” —Steve Carell, “A note from a student’s mother: ‘Please excuse Chris from reading, because he doesn’t like it. Hilarious Jokes and Funny Pics / The Funniest Quotes Of All Time; 77 Best Funny Love Quotes That Will Make You Laugh. I mean, why can’t we have a little fun and be motivated at the same time? Sayings Short Quotes. “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. We love to buy books because we believe we’re buying the time to read them. Given here are a few more funny quotes and sayings that will be a treat to your sense of humor. The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in. “I … “Housekeeping is like being caught in a revolving door.” —Marcelene Cox, “Nothing inspires cleanliness more than an unexpected guest.” —Radhika Mundra, “The road to hell is paved with adverbs.” —Stephen King, “From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.” —Winston Churchill, “Everybody wants to save the earth; no one wants to help mom do the dishes.” —P.J. Easy to read a list of the most hilarious phrases ever spoken. Enjoy the best of funny love quotes and romantic sayings. Funny Quotes About Life's Ups and Downs. Funny quotes for all. Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door. All of them are awesome. “Life is too short to not go on that spontaneous road trip.” – Author Unknown. Best Late-Night Jokes About NJ Governor Chris Christie. Funny Motivational Quotes to Inspire You. When a fan asked Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart for tips on writing symphonies, the composer is said to have suggested, “Begin with some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony.” “But Herr Mozart,” replied the fan, “you were writing symphonies when you were eight.” “Yes,” said Mozart. No lie, I’m going out tomorrow to revamp my own dog’s name tag with one of these clever, funny and even slightly inappropriate dog tag sayings. “Laugh it off. You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain, “An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, ‘So far so good!’” —Anonymous, “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.” —George Will, columnist, “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb … and I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton, “It was a blonde.